Life

Saturday Morning reflections

The morning after a long day, especially on a Friday night, knowing that the next day is the weekend and we can just do about anything in the world to take us away from the last 5 days of work, late nights and everything.

I find myself drifting in and out of sleep last night, probably cause I am out of home (specifically at a guesthouse somewhere in Penang Island), air-con was cold, mozzies we just being vampires on us through out the night, and I thought that I’ve had purchased a can of spray to rid of them!

It was a struggle, but I managed to get myself off the bed, into a pair of trousers, a flattened out my bed hair, and head down to the concourse for breakfast. Nothing lavished was served just toast (just had bread cause the toaster ain’t working)  and coffee, that would work for now, for me to ease into the new day.

Now that you have just finished reading the first 3 short paragraphs of my morning thus far, for my Saturday Morning reflections,  well… here it goes.

Starting out a new job, new band release of our new single and soon to release EP in April and travelling, has got me thinking a lot about my life. I can say that my personal life has been pretty decent, great family, financially getting along pretty alright, personal life: I am always on repair to work on myself, great bunch of close friends whom I care about, this year, on I want to spend time with those who really matters in my life and equally respect me for who I am. Screw those who don’t they are just a waste of my time.

A couple of things that I want to make things different of my current “work-in-progress” of my 2014. Living life to it’s utmost fullest.

Keeping things real. That’s one thing that I have been doing towards the end of the year onwards. It’s always important that we are realistic about each situation we are in, in making goals or to tackle problems that we face. You will end up in disappointment and let yourself down, or in a work or group situation, you don’t want to be like ” I knew it”, when it’s already too late. Fix it, look at the situation holistic, try predict and interpret every move and things that may go wrong before leaping on to anything, so that when things go well, you know that it was successful and when things go bad, you have already know. Couple of situations like this arised recently, guess in a group it is not easy to decide and work things out, compromise, but well, we can always learn from situations like that in a group. Though I have given pre-warning, well… we will learn next time. Sometimes things may turn out well despite hitting up the problems that you foresee, for everyone it can be improved next time to not let it occur again.

There is only one life, live the most of it. Yes, last year everyone was like ‘YOLO’ for every situation. The world has came to a point where there are so many bad things happening, the economy, poverty, crime rates, natural disasters and etc. Well, hate to say this but yes, we should have some point have a phrase like ‘YOLO’ in our lives to make the best out of life in every situation. Regardless of believes, we would never know but to be assured that there will be another life? Eternal life after death in this world? We can only trust something that gets us going in this life, and for now, live for every moment in everything to make life the best journey that you can get out of it before we move on to other adventures in life. Conquer your life. Do more in life. Live your life.

Be who you wanna be. Being in the places that I have worked in the past and learning from mentors, ex-bosses and working with many different people, that’s the best and great things that I love about my job where I am able to work with various different people. One thing I have learnt that makes the successful where they are and how they got to “I am on top of the world!”. The magic happens here: WORK ON YOUR PASSION. Wherever you are, or at whatever ranking you are at, you are always working towards your passion. It may not happen now, but it will happen if you work towards it. I believe that when one has not reached the ideal state of life you wanna be or work on your passion and be able to sustain out of this, I believe that God has somethings that he wants you to work on, to learn from, to build and strengthen upon, so that when you are ready and at the prime to make your passion happen, you will have the smoothest ride of your life living your dream and passion to the ultimate satisfaction and success, and anything that comes against your way, you will be able to overcome any hurdles coming your way.

I have made this vague for one reason cause I want this to relate to you as much as it has been working for me, I want you guys to know that you are the maker of every situation that you are in, you are in control cause God placed you there for a reason and for you to find the reason for yourself of why God placed you there to find the meaning of every thing in life to make your life of purpose be fulfilled yesterday, today and tomorrow. Because if you didn’t already realise it, this is the one life we have, that we know for sure.

Conquer your life. Do more in life. Live your life.

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Uncategorized

The Hyde in Me.

Lost my voice to scream a lullaby.

If i were a musician singing on the street I would probably get stones thrown at me. I be my imaginary audience.

If I were on the street playing an instrument. A passerby or two, would stop to listen, that’s about it really.

Backburners, scattered cards. things that happen in the past, I believe you came for a reason, that’s to ruin me, to bring me down to tears and draw scars and bruised knees, but You picked me up and made me turn again.

Now reality is here, knowing it will be a pebble off the shoreline, worn down to a sediment in the sands, lost in the depths of Mariana’s Trench, washed up in the seashore by night. High, dry, beached in the burning sun.

Oh how cruel when everything is just a beautiful portrait of your disguise,

a facade that’s what it has been all along. Little did I know I have been deceived

to believe , that is so cruel and deceitful.

When I fade out from the forefront, how would I have wanted to be remembered?

Did I live the life meant to be for me? Heck, I could easily let my impetuous self go,

to hear the recalcitrant cold chill whispers, transcending goosebumps up my spine,

to let go of the rope that burns my hands. The struggle to live and hold on

to a hope for better days to come.

This is the Hyde of me.

Triggered by the past, fueled  the burning chambers of sorrows and wounds.

A civil war bared and fated to my hands and from within me, a burden to bear.

~Reach for the Sky~

Dan

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Life

Fast track to the present! Part 2

On my personal note and how I’m coping with life…

I realized I’ve changed so much… And I find in this stage of my life, in fascination of learning more about who I am and what I am to be come.

I’ve so many things that I wanna do and achieve at work and out of work. My Career, Music, the bands, self improvement in my cooking, getting back into my fitness  getting my room organized (which never happens), and hanging out and meeting new friends. serving in Church, food venturing and my deepest dreams.

It all bared down on me for the longest time that I should do something and this is the ultimate litmus test to get me to where I want me to be. I am at cross roads making major decisions now on where I want to be and with whom I want to share it with. I’ve been so blessed and touched by all the things that happened in my life since coming back from Bangkok, but now I need to hear the call and to make the right decisions to continue to move forward.

Right now I’ve got a lot on my mind on what I’ve to do next. I know after making this colossal of a  decision, it is about moving on and not looking back, cause I know that God has a plan for me and it is up to me to make things happen, as nothing will happen if I do not move.

I know I probably sound emo right here… but I’m feeling anxious and excited at the same time to discover and wait for how I will paint my future.

I know here it may seem real vague on what I plan to do, so for those of you who want me to share my testimony and what I’m up to, lets talk and meet me in person over coffee and let me tell you. I’ve a plan to reach for the sky, I may not see them now, or I may just catch a glimps of the dream, but I know they are there hiding behind the clouds.

I tweet @danRFTS

I meet digital faces here.

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Life, Music

Let’s pretend…

Lets pretend he never picked up the violin,

lets pretend things would have been no different,

pretend he procrastinated had no motivation,

Make it blow away with the wind,

DANNY you’re NEVER gonna make it.

His alarm went off to wake him but he didn’t make it…

hmm… been thinking about ‘what if’s’ in my life… hmm…. am just thankful that I am glad to be where I’m now.



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Life, Music

The rabbit hole

was watching Alice in wonderland Cartoon version from the 1950s earlier today…

coming back to Malaysia is my Rabbit Hole… and I want to get out of it…. I have have been pondering this thought that I will never be able to settle down properly after leaving my good friends, stayed overseas in my “home” country… since touching down back to Malaysia… 5 years ago…

Till today.. i still feel like a Foreigner in my country of citizenship.. I guess it’s my passport ,the skin, the blood and that says i am a Malaysian… while my heart, my soul never really felt that way.. it was never settled..

Feels like i am homesick away from home…

Feels like I am all alone here…. Guess I can’t relate to anyone here… or share my deepest thoughts to… even to my family.. I know my God is there to be my comforter, my friend, my father in heaven, my friend, but I guess I don’t have that closeness with anyone here since 5 years back…

No doubt I meet new people and have new friends but friendship takes time to build… and I feel dis-attached

I feel like an outcast…Feels like I am going crazy…

My mix feelings for people has grown and I am developing Punch-Drunk emotions all the time….

When things don’t happen the way it was planned, false promises…

Is there something wrong with me??? Why don’t I get the same respect?

Seriously I am tired of people telling me “maybe” when what they meant was
“I will wait to see if my other friends has something better and more fun offers to do” or just “plain I don’t want to go. Just tell me straight so that i don’t have to waste time to feel this way and get last minute cancellations and false hope…

I guess I don’t get the commitments I deserve when I give so much of my time… I guess I over expect things and become disappointed in the end.

I have feelings that I want to express to the person I admire and a person who I got to know and care so much for in this short time I got to know her… but I can’t. Things run through my mind. I get jealous that you hang out with others more… I get sick of not being able to talk to you, I get pissed off that in the end i am just being used… not for real, as I have been warned that you are poison… which I’ve tried to ignore countless of times cause I hoped and believed that it was not true…

I make time for you, I deferred my plans and arrangements for you . I guess I do not have the courage to tell you how I feel about you.Fear that you don’t feel the same way? I do …

You consume my thoughts and mind.Thoughts of us spending time together..Your hair, your beauty, your smile, your voice,  your imperfectness, my memories and I guess I am not good at showing, expressing and telling you my feelings…

As the date of my departure comes closer.. All the more I don’t know… For this short time we know each other… I feel more that I need you like a addict to a drug…

I guess it’s never wrong that I have had to come back as I have had wonderful and also the most lowest and worst experiences of my life… to have to lose Torrie… It’s all in God’s plan i guess… as I am reminded of His perfect plan for my life..It is a turbulent roller coaster ride…and my personality and though have changeand grown… to be the person I am today…

How far does this Punch-Drunkedness go? How deep has the rabbit hole gone? I don’t know… I just want it to stop… and get away…

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Life

Am I the problem?

Recently I feel like an outcast in my class.

I thought it was just me .. but i got my confirmation…

It is me who is having problems with the class.. its them.. I have nothing against them. Its them who has a problem with me.. I found out some of the reasons.. but not all.. But if really there is a problem with me.. then why don’t you tell me?

Gosh! Sometimes I find that most Malaysians are more reserved and won’t say things to you but instead behind your back.

I am fine with people talking behind my back, but it reflects in your actions by ostracising me, am not included for lunch or joining you guys for movie or social activity. But I am not saying that you have to invite me all the time, its just what happened to the times in first sem? I fell like I m suddenly shut off from the class.. I feel like you guys only talk to me when it is about the group assignment or asking me a question.

As a “TRIVIA” , I have not had not had a proper conversation with any of my close friends in college since the middle of second semester. Proper conversation meaning that I haven’t had a proper chat like friends should, like sharing about how’s life, talking about stuff.. and doing friend activities.

I do not understand what is going on really. It is not me ostracizing anyone for that matter. I have no qualms or anything against any of my friends at all!

As i said in the email that i sent to all of you. Is there any thing wrong with me? What did I do? Why the sudden change in attitude againts me or for what so ever reason?

Tell me! Cause if not how am I suppose to know I have a problem? How am I going to improve for myself in future?

Cause that is what friends are for, if there is anything wrong we look out for one another, we hang out we socialize we are a part of each other’s life, if there is a problem we voice out and we also help each other.

I was sharing this problem with another friend and do you know what she said?

‘Gosh they are so mean! If they have a problem with you, Danny, they should tell you! Not ignoring you!”

So do I have Friends in college?

Do I need “Friends” who do not care? Why should I be waisting my time with so called “Friends” , if they do not act like one.

There is a quote which say.. “No man is an island…”

I feel like an island in my class…

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